


Keep Pushing

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Silence, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: Keep Pushing,  he thought, suddenly hating his own motto.Keep Pushing, was something malicious, a mantra that played in his head during the moments where he was pushing it too far.Keep Pushing,  was taunting, always reminding Max of how weak he was.Keep Pushing, had started to define everything he couldn’t take anymore.After a fight with his father, Max refuses to speak. His grid family notices, and worries.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the mood to write something sad. 
> 
> Max has been bringing himself down in interviews lately, never seeming content with himself, and that combined with the fact that you can take his motto, Keep Pushing, two ways, made me write this.
> 
> I have written many fics about Max crying and seeking comfort in the best, but I know that is not the only way people can react to trauma. That's why I chose for this fic, to have Max just completely shut down emotionally.
> 
> This fic will eventually have a happy ending, but it might take a while, so bare with me.
> 
> Let me know which drivers you think should be there to comfort Max, and to try to get through to him :)

It was a strange sensation. Not feeling pain, not feeling sadness or fear… There was nothing left, even the ability to cry had seemed to have left him.

His ears still rang after his father’s yelling, the words going through his head.The handprint his dad had left on his cheek still hot and throbbing, and yet it didn’t hurt. 

Max pulled his cardigan tighter around himself, pulling the hood up over his head. Something wet ran over his lips and he released his nose was bleeding. He wiped the blood away with the back of his hand, the dark red staining his fingers making him nauseous.

It had been his fault really, of course it had been. He should have tried harder, trained more, should not have made those mistakes. Second was not enough. He should have had first. A podium place was a failure as long as he didn’t stand on that top step. A voice in the back of his mind told him it was realistic to win with the car and engine he had now, but his father had told him that he could have reached it if he hadn’t been so weak. 

And Max agreed.

 

Max stumbled a little as he continued his walk, not even sure where he was going anymore. He heard people laughing behind him, and the sound of music. He quickened his pace until he was running, the pounding of his feet on the pavement giving him something to focus on. 

His heart was beating loudly in his ears, his breathing ragged, but he continued to run, not a destination in mind but knowing he had to keep moving.

He arrived at a beach, his feet digging into the soft sand and making him lose his balance. When his knees hit the sand, it didn’t feel soft anymore, Shells and pieces of broken bottle digging into his knees. 

Suddenly, he was throwing up, retching violently as he tried to keep himself up. 

It was not enough, it would never be enough. 

_Keep Pushing _, he thought, suddenly hating his own motto.__  
_Keep Pushing _, was something malicious, a mantra that played in his head during the moments where he was pushing it too far.__  
_Keep Pushing _, was always taunting, reminding Max of how weak he was.__  
_Keep Pushing _, had started to define everything he couldn’t take anymore.__

 

A hand pressed to his shoulder and Max screamed, pushing it away. Someone spoke but his words didn’t quite reach him. He sobbed and tried to crawl away, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He screamed yet again, just wanting to be left alone. He couldn’t take the pressure, he simply couldn’t do it.

________“It’s okay. We’ve got you.” someone whispered urgently. Max looked up, two pairs of blue eyes looking back at him. He saw hands reaching out for him, and then everything went black._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sebastian felt like throwing up when he saw Max. Not just because the Dutchman himself had been sick, but because of the look in Max’s eyes. It had been as if no one had been looking back, as if Max did not feel anything anymore. And Sebastian feared that was partially true._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kimi had lifted the young man up after Max had fainted, but Sebastian still frozen on the spot, eyes wide as he stared at the limp figure in Kimi’s arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Seb…. Seb!” Kimi said urgently, struggling to keep Max close, the Dutchman’s head rolling back. Seb swallowed thickly but followed after them, jogging past them as they reached their apartment to open up the door. Kimi brought Max straight to the bathroom, laying him down on the soft bath mat and keeping one hand under the young man’s head. With his eyes closed and lips slightly parted, Max looked younger than ever._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do we need an ambulance?” Sebastian asked shakily. Kimi shook his head, not moving his eyes away from Max as he was already tugging at Max’s hoodie to pull the bloodied and vomit-stained fabric off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Find some clean clothes for him, okay?” Kimi told Seb softly. Sebastian nodded wordlessly and scurried off immediately._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kimi ran a towel under lukewarm water and used it to clean the blood of Max’s face and the puke of Max’s hands. He willed the uncomfortable feeling in his chest down, knowing he had to be strong now, stay even more level headed than usual now that Sebastian was already panicking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Max stirred on the floor and opened his eyes. Kimi expected him to panic, to cry, but the young man’s gaze was steady._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It will be okay.” Kimi said softly. Max only nodded, allowing Kimi to help him sit up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sebastian returned with a small stack of clothing, drawing in a sharp breath when he saw Max was awake. He knelt down on Max’s other side, squeezing his shoulder for a moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you think you can dress yourself?” Kimi asked him. Max attempted to sit up, but found he was too weak. Sebastian gently supported his shoulder as Kimi helped him put his shirt on. After changing him into a pair of sweats as well. Kimi helped Max back on his feet and after some hesitation, led him over to the master bedroom, which was closer to the living room so they could keep an eye on him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Max still didn’t speak as he got in under the covers, curling onto his side. He looked up at Kimi and Sebastian, the latter turning away and hurrying out the room, not wanting Max to see him cry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kimi moved forward, kneeling down next to the bed. He reached out to brush some hair out of Max’s face. Max didn’t move when Kimi touched him, not even blinking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We’ll be in the living room or the other bedroom if you need us. Bathroom is the first door on the right.” Kimi explained. Max nodded, his eyes starting to droop tiredly. Kimi sighed and got up, glancing over his shoulder one last time before leaving the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He found Sebastian in the living room, sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. Seb’s was shaking and Kimi heard the soft sobs when he walked closer. Kimi sat down next to him and pulled him close, burying his face in Seb’s soft curls._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How could someone do that to him?” Sebastian whispered, clutching on to the Finn. Kimi let out a shaky breath._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We don’t know what happened.” he said softly. Sebastian choked out a sob._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He seemed so numb, like he has given up already.” he said brokenly. Kimi squeezed his eyes shut and didn’t answer, unsure what to say. The look on Max’s face, his silence, had thrown him off too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“All we can do is be there for him and hope he’ll talk to us.” Kimi muttered, blinking down tears himself. Seb looked up at him, his bottom lip still trembling._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No one deserves what he went through.” he said, Kimi brought him close again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know, I know…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it will eventually get less depressing :0
> 
> Who should come over next?

Two days later, Kimi was truly getting worried. Max still hadn’t spoken a word, refused to say anything, and had still not shown his emotions. He stayed curled up on the bed most of the time, only coming out of the room when Sebastian or Kimi forced him to eat. A dark bruise had formed over his cheek, the outline looking an awful lot like an handprint. His nose seemed to be okay though, not broken or even bruised. 

“Let’s call someone.” Sebastian had proposed, when Max had once again hidden away under the covers. Kimi shrugged.

“Yeah maybe it’s better if he stays somewhere else.” he murmured quietly, averting his eyes from Sebastian, he was stood next to him in the kitchen. Sebastian was frowning now.

“What? No, I meant for someone to come over. Why would if be better for him to stay somewhere else? He’s safe here.” Sebastian told him. Kimi sighed.

“If you want him to speak again, to show his emotions, I’m not exactly the best example, now am I?” Kimi mumbled. Sebastian was going to answer, but then Max shuffled into the room, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He walked over to Kimi and promptly wrapped his arms around him for just a moment, head resting against Kimi’s shoulder.

Then he pulled away again and shuffled to the balcony, where he wordlessly looked at the beach.

“See ? He’s seeking comfort from you!” Seb said, squeezing Kimi’s hand and leaning in to kiss his cheek. Kimi sighed. He was pretty sure it was Max who had been comforting _him _, not the other way around.__

__~~  
Kimi did agree with calling someone to come over, and so Carlos showed up on their doorstep not much later. The Spaniard’s eyes were wide and he was nervously chewing his bottom lip as Sebastian let him in._ _

__“He’s done this before.” Carlos blurted out immediately. “Back when he were at Toro Rosso… His father h-had hit him, and Max refused to speak for days.” he explained. Kimi swallowed thickly while Seb drew in a sharp breath, hand pressed to his mouth in shock._ _

__Carlos let out a shuddery breath and walked past them, heading towards Max, who was sitting on the couch and listlessly watching some sort of cooking show._ _

__“Hermano?” Carlos said, sitting down next to him. Max blinked up at him but didn’t move besides that. Carlos let out a choked sob, gently brushing his fingers over the Dutchman’s cheek. He whispered something in Spanish and slowly drew Max into his arms._ _

__Max rested his chin on Carlos’s shoulder, one hand pressed flat against Carlos’s back. For a moment, Max’s face scrunched up a little and his bottom lip trembled, but then it was gone again, replaced by that mask of nothingness._ _

__Carlos was crying softly, cradling Max close as he continued to whisper to him. Max sighed but stayed close, his fingers digging into Carlos’s shoulders ever so slightly. Kimi saw it as a slight improvement._ _

__After a long moment, Carlos pulled away._ _

__“Don’t go back to him.” he said. Max tensed and looked away. “Max? Please… don’t go back to him.” Carlos repeated desperately, trying to bring Max close to him. Max untangled himself from the Spaniard and stood up, rushing to the bedroom, the door slamming shut behind him._ _

__Sebastian immediately rushed after him while Kimi went over to Carlos, the young man practically inconsolable, sobbing harshly as Kimi pulled him into his arms._ _

__“I- Please help him.” Carlos cried. Kimi gently shushed him, rocking him slightly._ _

__At that moment, there was another knock on the door and Sebastian rushed past to open, revealing a pale looking Daniel._ _

__“Where is he?” the Aussie asked hoarsely._ _

__“Locked himself in the bedroom.” Sebastian said helplessly, stepping aside to let him in. Daniel blinked when he saw Carlos and immediately walked over._ _

__“Chilli, what do you know? What happened?” he asked sharply. Carlos’s brown eyes widened even more, and he hid in Kimi’s embrace._ _

__“Daniel, calm down.” Seb interfered, hand on Daniel’s shoulder to pull him back. Daniel’s shoulders sagged and he let out a long breath._ _

__“Sorry Carlos.” he murmured, the Spaniard still eying him a little wearily._ _

__“I should have noticed.” Daniel murmured, seeming ashamed. He walked towards the bedroom, gently knocking on the door, but Max of course didn’t answer. Daniel pressed his forehead against the wood._ _

__“Please Max… I’m so sorry, if I had known…” Daniel said. “For fuck’s sake, I should have known....” he added. The door to the bedroom opened and Max walked out, bumping into Daniel._ _

__They stared at each other for a moment, but then Max offered Daniel a tiny smile, reaching out to touch his hand. Daniel linked their fingers together, his brow still furrowed._ _

__“I’m so sorry Max.” Daniel whispered. Now it was Max’s turn to frown, his eyebrows twitching for a moment before his face turned blank again. He allowed the Aussie to hug him tightly, Daniel breathing in shakily as he buried his face in Max’s hair. Max peeked at the others over Daniel’s shoulders._ _

__Carlos was still more or less cuddled in Kimi’s arms, sniffling softly and wiping at his red cheeks with his sleeve. Sebastian stood near the couch, his hands clenched at his sides._ _

__Suddenly, a phone rang. Max went rigid, eying his sweatshirt from the day before._ _

__“Is that your phone?” Daniel asked. Max nodded. The young man swallowed thickly, untangling himself from Daniel and walking towards the chair over which Sebastian had hung the shirt. Kimi and Carlos now stood up as well, everyone waiting as Max took out his phone._ _

__Max only took one quick look at the screen and then dropped the phone on the floor. He stared at it for a moment. The others held their breaths, and just as Kimi moved closer with a concerned expression, Max let out an enraged cry and brought his foot down on the device, shattering the screen. Kimi immediately hurried towards him as Max stomped on the phone time and time again._ _

__“Easy, easy!” he said softly but urgently, grabbing Max’s shoulder to make him step away from the phone. Max was breathing heavily, his eyes not leaving the broken screen._ _

__He then looked up at Kimi, turned his head to Daniel, and then back to Sebastian and Carlos._ _

__“Who called you?” Sebastian asked, even though he already knew the answer._ _

__Max looked at him for another long moment, and then promptly started to cry._ _


	3. Chapter 3

The next drivers to show up were Stoffel, Pierre and Nico. Nico looked around the room and then quickly walked over to fuss over his teammate, who was struggling not to fall asleep on the couch, even though Kimi had told him it was fine if he did. Carlos let out a whine when he spotted Nico and allowed him to hug him close.

“Shh, I’m here.” Nico soothed as Carlos started to cry all over again, trembling as Nico rocked him

Carlos’s choked cries woke Max up as well, the young Dutchman having cried himself to sleep earlier. Max was curled up against Kimi, the Finn having watched over him the whole time he had slept. Sebastian was on his other said and saw Max stir, his eyes groggily opening.

Max blinked in surprise when he saw Nico, before frowning when he saw Stoffel and Pierre too. Pierre walked over and kneeled in front of him.

“Oh mon petit…” he murmured. Max sighed and mindlessly reached out to push a wayward strand of Pierre’s hair back. Pierre held out his arms and Max immediately cuddled close. Stoffel sat down next to them, wrapping his arms around the two younger men and letting out a sad sigh.

“We’ve got you Maxy.” Pierre whispered. “We’ll keep you safe.” Max’s grip around them tightened a little. Kimi swallowed thickly and resisted the urge to pull all the boys close. Nico moved over, ruffling Stoffel’s and Pierre’s hair before focusing on Max.

“Hey piemelkop.” he teased, but his gin was falling slightly. Max’s lips momentarily twitched into a small smile and he opened his mouth to speak. The other’s all held their breath, desperate for him to say something, anything, but Max only sighed and closed his mouth again.

“Want to play some FIFA?” Pierre tried. Max shrugged but nodded. Pierre smiled gently at him, and pulled him and Stoffel closer to the tv as he tried to connect the Xbox he had brought over. Not immune to the puppy-eyed look the Frenchman gave him when it wasn’t working, meant Kimi walked over too so he could help. 

Carlos stayed on the couch, looking at them but not joining them.

“Carlos? What’s wrong?” Daniel asked, moving closer. Sebastian gave the young Spaniard a concerned look as well. Carlos turned to face them, tears brimming in his eyes.

“I should have done something.” he whispered. “I knew about what he…” he broke of in a sob again. Daniel pulled him close, rubbing his back comfortingly and gesturing Nico to come over. 

Max had turned around as well and seemed uncomfortable, eying everyone apprehensively. He suddenly got up from the floor and walked over to the bedroom. The remaining drivers watched as Max shuffled around in the room for a moment, before reappearing with the few belongings he had here.

“Max?” Kimi tried. Max was crying again, silent tears running down his cheeks as he headed for the door. Carlos rushed up from the couch and ran over, hugging the younger man’s back tightly.

“Don’t go! Please Max, you can’t go back to him.” he sobbed. The others drew in sharp breaths, having not realised sooner what Max was trying to do. Max let out a sob and weakly tried to push Carlos away, but the Spaniard wasn’t budging.

“Need to let me go.” Max suddenly whispered. Carlos shook his head.

“No!” he whined. Stoffel and Pierre rushed over too, forming a circle around Max as they all hugged him. 

“I’m only hurting you, I need to go.” Max repeated softly.

“We want to protect you, stay....” Pierre whispered. Max hesitated for a moment, but then practically sagged into his friends’ embraces, who caught him and settled on the floor with him.

“We’ve got you.” Stoffel whispered. The older four men watched on, not wanting to crowd Max too much. Max was taking in hiccuped breaths but was no longer crying, only desperately trying to hug all his friends close at the same time. 

It didn’t take long before Max started to yawn, resting his head against Stoffel’s shoulder.

“The bed is probably more comfortable than the floor.” Nico remarked. The German walked over and gently poked the boys until they moved a little. Max let out a discontented whine, already more asleep than awake. Nico chuckled.

“Come here, lieverd.” Nico whispered, lifting Max up. Max instinctively wrapped his legs around his waist hanging on to Hulk like a koala. Nico carried him over to the bedroom and gently laid him down on the bed. 

Max frowned as Nico let go of him, but then smiled contently as Carlos, Pierre and Stoffel were immediately there, hugging him into a cuddle pile. Nico stayed as well, wanting to keep an eye not only on Max, but the other younger men as well since especially Carlos still looked very shaken. 

Daniel curled up eith the younger drivers too, gently brushing some hair out of Max’s face as he whispered soothingly.

Meanwhile, back in the living room, Kimi sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Sebastian curled against his side.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly. Kimi shrugged.

“Just tired.” he murmured, turning to press his face in the crook of Sebastian’s neck, clutching on tightly to him. Sebastian worriedly hugged back.

“Kimi? When is the last time you really slept?” he whispered, realising Kimi had stayed up longer than him every night Max had been here. Kimi only shrugged in answer.

“Come here love.” Seb whispered softly, gently maneuvering Kimi until the Finn rested his head on Seb’s lap. 

“But Max…” Kimi murmured. Seb smiled tenderly.

“Max is in very safe hands. And I’ll wake you if anything happens.” he soothed. By the time he had finished his sentence, Kim’s breathing had already evened out.

Nico come back from the bedroom and smiled gently at the two.

“You want something to eat?” Nico asked. Seb’s stomach growled loudly. Nico snorted while Seb blushed.

“I take it that is a yes.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A surprisingly long chapter, I hope you guys like it <3

It was past midnight when Jenson and Fernando arrived. The others were all sprawled out in the living room, huddled together for comfort. Max was cuddled in between Sebastian and Kimi, the latter fast asleep while Sebastian watched over them.. Stoffel was curled up with Pierre, the Frenchman resting his head on the Belgian’s chest as they snored softly. 

Nico was still awake too, watching over Carlos as the Spaniard slept restlessly. Fernando immediately walked over to them, kneeling down and carding his fingers through Carlos’s soft hair, winching when he saw the tear tracks running over the man’s cheeks. 

“He blames himself.” Nico whispered. Fernando worried his lip between his teeth, managing a shaky smile when Carlos’s eyes fluttered open.

“Nando..?” Carlos said groggily, followed by a soft sniffle. Fernando pulled him close, kissing his temple.

“It’s all okay.” he whispered as Carlos let out a weak sob. 

Jenson had walked over to Stoffel and Pierre, allowing both to cuddle close as they sleepily opened their eyes from the commotion.

Everyone settled into silence again, until slowly everyone fell asleep again.

~~~

The next morning, Max was up before anyone else, carefully easing out of Kimi’s arms, the Finn humming before rolling over to cuddle closer to his German. 

Max took a shower and reappeared in the living room a while later, dressed in running gear and twisting a bottle of water in his hand as he headed for the door. 

Most of the others were awake now, and he could feel their eyes on him

“Wait, Valtteri will be here soon, he can go with you if you want?” Kimi proposed suddenly. Max blinked, already near the door, but then nodded. He preferred not to be alone anyways.

Valtteri arrived not much later, and chuckled when he was immediately ordered by Sebastian to get changed. He really didn’t seem to mind going on a run with Max, and gave him a gentle smile as they headed out the door.

“There is a viewpoint on a cliff nearby, want to run there?” Valtteri asked as he stretched. Max nodded and followed after him. Valtteri started slow at first, making sure Max was keeping up, but when he realised Max was fine with a faster pace, they started a proper jog, ending the last part in a full on sprint, Max even smiling a little but still losing from the faster Finn. 

They stood on the cliff, Valtteri silently keeping an eye on Max, who was staring out over the view, clearly with his mind somewhere else.

“You know, sometimes it just helps to scream it off.” Valtteri said with a shrug. Max eyed him curiously, but still didn’t make a sound. Valtteri smiled and squeezed his shoulder.

“Is easy, with the amount of wind here, no one will hear you. It’s my secret for staying calm.” Valtteri admitted. Max blinked and cocked his head to the side.

“You want me to demonstrate?” Valtteri asked, even though he felt awkward. Max bit his lip but nodded. Valtteri stared out over the city for a moment, before taking in a deep breath.

“I am not a wingman!” he screamed against the wind. Max flinched a little at the loudness, but then his shoulder relaxed again. He shuffled around a little, and Valtteri kept quiet, curious to see what would happen. 

“I’m not weak..!” Max started suddenly, his voice barely loud enough for Valtteri to understand. “I’m not a toy o-or a property!” he continued, voice raising. 

“I am doing everything I can and I will be proud of that!” Max’s voice was a yell now. He stayed quiet for a moment, breathing ragged. 

“I’m not scared of you anymore!!!” he suddenly screamed, before sinking to his knees, crying harshly. 

Valtteri was immediately at his side, pulling him into his arms.

“Sh, It’s okay, it’s okay.” he soothed, kissing the younger man’s temple as Max sobbed into his shoulder. Max clutched on tightly to the Finn, his tears leaving a mark on Valtteri’s shirt. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Max repeated over and over again. Valtteri pulled away a little, clasping Max’s face between his hands.

“It’s not your fault.” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Max’s forehead. Max took in a shaky breath, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Thank you.” he whispered, cuddling close again. Valtteri let him, securely wrapping him up in his arms.

“No problem.” he answered softly.

They stayed cuddled on the sandy ground for quite some time, but eventually Valtteri knew it was time to go back.

They didn’t run to the apartment, Max looked exhausted,, although more emotional than physical, and Valtteri didn’t want to push him too far. 

Max was quiet again as they walked, but surprised Valtteri by gently squeezing his hand as they stood in front of the door for a moment, waiting until Kimi or one of the others to open the door. 

It was Charles who opened the door eventually, the Monégasque hesitantly biting his lip when he saw Max, taking a step forward but not reaching out to touch him. 

“Bonjour.” Charles said softly. Valtteri brushed his hand against Max’s one last time before entering the apartment, leaving the two younger men at the door. 

Pierre and Esteban suddenly popped up at the door as well, not even glaring at each other for once, and all three waited for Max to move. 

Max sniffled and moved closer, struggling a little to hug all three at the same time. Charles let out a breathless laugh and cuddled against his chest, while Esteban and Pierre curled around each of his sides. 

Max felt safe, like he had during his karting days. Sure, his dad had been no different back then, but Max had been, oblivious to how abnormal his father was treating him. 

He hadn’t realised then how his three French speaking friends had tried to help him, always around him at the tracks and inviting him over for family dinners and such. They had clearly known something wasn’t quite right, but they had all been so young, there was nothing they could have done. 

Charles drew in a shaky breath and pressed a kiss to Max’s cheek. 

“We’ve got you.” he whispered. Max let out a sigh, biting his lip as he didn’t want to cry even more. He knew he must be sticky with sweat, combined with a fine layer of dust and dirt from the running, but the others didn’t seem to mind, quietly allowing him close.

Max was not sure how long they stood in the doorframe like that, but eventually Checo came to get them, an apron tied around the Mexican’s waist as he waved around a wooden spoon. 

“There you all are cariños!” he said. “Dinner is ready, go wash your hands.” he ordered, hands on his hips. 

Pierre let go first, ruffling Max’s hair for a moment before moving past Checo, giving him an apologetic smile. Esteban went after him, but Checo caught his teammate’s wrist and tugged him down until they were at eyelevel. Checo tutted and wiped some grime of the Frenchman’s cheek while Esteban rolled his eyes.

Charles was slightly more reluctant to let go, nuzzling Max’s neck for another moment before pulling away, taking Max’s hand to tug him in direction of the dining room. As they past Checo, the Mexican ruffled Charles’s hair before brushing his fingers over Max’s cheek.

“Come on, or the tacos will go cold.”

~~  
Max silently looked around the table, the other drivers joking and talking animatedly. He was seated between Carlos and Daniel, the latter with one arm slung over the back of Max’s chair and succeeding on getting food all over his face as he tried to eat with one hand. Max smiled softly and handed him a napkin, the Aussie winking at him in return.

Max turned to Carlos and saw the Spaniard was listlessly poking at his food and not really eating. Max scooted closer to him, pulling him in for a hug. Carlos huffed in surprise but quickly returned the hug, pressing his face in the crook or Max’s shoulder. 

Max pulled away after a long moment and pointed at Carlos’s plate, raising an eyebrow. Carlos rolled his eyes but started to eat, and Max tried not to snicker at the way Fernando mouthed ‘thank you’ at him, or the way Jenson pushed more food in Chilli’s direction.

He smiled and went back to his own food, stretching his legs and blinking in surprise whena foot gently nudged his calf. Valtteri was smiling softly at him when he looked up and Max found himself smiling back slightly, feeling at ease.

He finished his taco and then looked at the plate of tacos in the middle of the table, just out of his reach. He hesitated but then drew in a long breath.

“Can someone pass me the tacos please?” he said softly. The others quieted down a little, and Max felt himself blush at the beaming grins he got from all sides as Kimi handed him the plate. 

They continued dinner as if nothing had happened, the others clearly trying not to overwhelm him. Daniel continued to joke around as usual, Jenson joining in while Fernando rolled his eyes in exasperation and fussed over Stoffel. Carlos was leaning against Hulk’s side now, talking quietly to him while Nico ate more tacos than was probably humanly possible, earning a proud grin from Checo. 

Charles was yawning and leaning towards Pierre a little, grinning when Seb reached over to ruffle his hair while Checo was trying to force Esteban to eat more since ‘he was still growing’. Valtteri was talking to Kimi in Finnish, but both were keeping an eye an Max, although they didn’t try to push him to join in on any conversation.

Max was grateful, and felt at ease as he looked around the room. 

If this was what family felt like, he could live with that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Passenger while writing this, and that definitely didn't make this chapter very happy...

Max was glad to have all the others around, but now that he was slowly starting to feel better, he appreciated some alone time as well. He went out on his own more often, doing the shopping to feed the ever growing number of people while the others still tried to comfortably fit themselves in the apartment, which was definitely meant for so many drivers. 

It was always a surprise whether or not more drivers would have arrived in the time Max was away, but Max was always glad to see more of them arriving. 

When he came back to the apartment after yet another shopping spree, carrying heavy bags filled with vegetables for the stew Fernando insisted on making, he was surprised to see Lewis and Nico Rosberg talking in the open door. 

“Hi Max.” Nico greeted, reaching over to take some bags from him. Lewis quickly did the same and Max found himself with no bags left. He blushed a little as Nico also leaned in to kiss his cheeks, gently hugging him after, while Lewis settled for awkwardly petting his hair a little.

Inside, even more surprises were waiting for him. Marcus was talking to Valtteri, while absentmindedly carding his fingers through Kevin’s hair, the Dane sleeping with his head on Marcus’s lap.

Max gave them a little wave before heading to the guest room, leaving Nico and Lewis to bring to the groceries to the kitchen.

Charles and Pierre were asleep on the bed, curled up on either side of Stoffel, who was softly speaking to Carlos, the Spaniard sitting cross legged on the end of the bed. Pierre snored loudly, clumsily throwing his arm over Stoffel’s chest and hitting Charles in the face in process. Charles whined and pouted, but didn’t really wake up besides that.

There was another matras in the corner of the room, Valtteri sprawled on top of it, one arm thrown over his face to block out the lights. Max worriedly nibbled his bottom lip when he saw the way Valtteri was shivering and twitching, and he walked over to kneel down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

Valtteri let out a strangled noise, his eyes flying open.

“Max…” he sighed, eyes still panicked as he pushed himself into a sitting position. Max wordlessly cuddled close to him, tightly closing his eyes. He felt guilty that his whole situation made the others feel so bad too, that it was affecting not only him but also the very few people that seemed to care about him, who he had start to see as family.

Max sniffled slightly, gently rubbing his hand over Val’s back. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered ever so softly. Valtteri tensed and pulled back a little, placing a hand on Max’s cheek and leaning in to press a kiss to the younger man’s forehead.

“Never apologize for that.” he said strongly. “It is not your fault your father is s-” he stopped talking as Max went rigid, pushing Valtteri away. 

“Oh god, Max I’m sorry…” Valtteri tried, knowing it was stupid to mention Max’s father now that the Dutchman was finally doing better, but Max scrambled to his feet.

“Max?” Carlos tried, standing up from the bed just as the first sob broke through Max’s throat. Carlos pulled him into his arms, gently shushing him. Max didn’t see or hear Valtteri leave the room, but when he finally calmed down, he heard the front door close, and knew the Finn was gone. 

Mxa let out a strangled noise at the realisation, causing Carlos to tighten his hold a little, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Daniel came in to the room, walking over to Max, patting Pierre’s leg a little until the Frenchman sleepily shifted to make room for him on the edge of the bed. Max sat down next to him, resting his head on the Aussie’s shoulder. 

“He felt really guilty.” Daniel told him. “We tried to get him to stay, but he said it was better for you if he didn’t.’ 

Max let out another sob, clutching on to Daniel’s hand. 

“I know sweetie.” Daniel said, even though Max had not said a word.

~~

It took some time after that before Max was ready to join the others in the living room again, and when he did, he refused to let go of Carlos’s hand until he could sit down on the sofa, somehow cuddled in between Marcus and Kevin, the latter awkwardly patting his hair a little. Max smiled shakily at him and promptly cuddled close to the Dane, who clearly had no clue what to do in return.

“Just hug him.” Marcus mouthed at him with an amused expression. Kevin glared at him, but gently ran his hands over Max’s back. Max relaxed a little and sighed. 

“Want Valtteri to come back.” he said hoarsely. Marcus sighed, reaching out to squeeze Max’s shoulder.

“He will come back, I promise.”

~~

“Lewis, you are such an ass!” Nico yelled from the kitchen. Max tensed at the loud outburst, and Kimi immediately went over to him, kneeling down in front of the couch, as Sebastian rushed towards the arguing men in the kitchen. 

Max uncomfortably glanced towards the kitchen as well, tensing as Lewis yelled something as well, combined with some glass breaking.

“Max…” Kimi tried to soothe as the young man’s breathing quickened. “Max it’s okay, you’re safe.” he added, pulling Max off the couch and into his arms, pressing his hands over Max’s ears to block out the argument for him. Max started to cry, trembling as the argument continued. 

He couldn’t think straight anymore, the loud noises reminding him too much of his father.

“Stop!” he screamed out. 

Everyone went quiet around him, Kimi’s hands lowering slightly. 

Max wrestled himself out of Kimi’s embrace, even the gentle touch too much now. He stumbled towards the bathroom, shaking his head with a sob as Charles reached out for him, standing in the door of the bedroom.

He reached the toilet just in time, falling to his knees before throwing up his breakfast. 

No one came into the bathroom after him, clearly frightened by his outburst and wanting to give Max the space he needed. 

And while Max was grateful, he had also never felt more alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for all the comments and love for this fic! I really did enjoy writing this, but I feel like this is the right place to end.   
> I hope you all liked this fic as much as I did, and if you want to read more similar fics, let me know!!  
> <3

Max had somehow fallen asleep on the bath mat, curled up with his arms wrapped around himself. He woke up from someone carefully lifting him up.

“Valtteri?” he muttered, groggily opening his eyes.

“Nee lieverd.” Hulk answered gently, shushing him when Max whined and wiggled around a little. Max let out a sob but sagged into Nico’s arms, closing his eyes as Nico carried him into the bedroom. 

As he was laid down on the bed, he let out a shaky breath, feeling some others cuddle around him. He felt Carlos curl up against one of his sides and opened his eyes as the Spaniard kissed his cheek. Charles was there too, carding his fingers through his hair. 

“Kimi is calling Valtteri.” Charles explained.

“That is, if you want him back here?” Carlos added softly. Max nodded, looking up at Nico and nodding again. Hulk smiled gently and left the room, leaving the Dutchman in the capable hands of the younger men.

Stoffel and Pierre joined them as well, as did Esteban, and Max quickly fell asleep again amidst the cuddle pile. 

He woke up when someone shook him slightly, and let out a startled gasp. 

“Sh, it’s okay honey.” Kimi murmured. Max let out a sleepy sound and sat up, climbing over Charles to cuddle into Kimi’s arms. Charles let out a groggy hum and turned to cuddle against Pierre, not really waking up besides that.

Max sniffled a little but relaxed as Kimi rubbed his back, the Finn’s presence always soothing to him.

“We need to talk, okay?” Kimi said as he pulled back a little. Max’s content expression fell immediately and he turned anxious, but Kimi didn’t seem to notice immediately. 

“Come on kulta.” Kimi urged softly. Max stepped of the bed, keeping his eyes downcast as Kimi rested a hand on his back, leading him through the living room. They only stopped momentarily to push Checo back on the airbed the Mexican had rolled off of, and Kimi nudged Hulk with his toes until the German hugged the Mexican to his chest, making sure he wouldn’t roll away again.

They went onto the small balcony, Kimi leaning against the railing. Max mimicked the stance, but fidgeted uncomfortably. 

“Do you want the others to be here? I could send them away.” Kimi started. “They want to help, but this needs to be about you.” 

Max let out a strangled noise and allowed Kimi to hug him close again. 

“What’s wrong kulta?” Kimi asked worriedly. Max cleared his throat, not used to speaking anymore.

“Thought you would make me leave.” he said hoarsely. Kimi shook his head, pressing a kiss to Max’s forehead.

“We’re all here to support and help you. That’s what family does.” he whispered. He could only barely catch Max as the Dutchman sagged into his arms, his sobbing increasing 

“Ssh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Kimi whispered, hugging him tightly. 

“Are you okay?” an anxious voice called out. Kimi looked up to see all of the other drivers just inside the apartment, peeking through the door. 

Max smiled shakily, wiping at his eyes.

“Family.” he said hoarsely, before running into the group, hugging as many people as he could. 

Kimi watched them with a soft smile, chuckling as Nico lifted the young man up for a moment, saving him from all the kisses that were being pressed to his cheeks and forehead. 

Nico only put Max down on the floor again when he saw Carlos was crying, although the young Spaniard was smiling at the same time. Nico pulled Carlos close, gently bringing their lips together as he wiped the tears of Carlos’s cheeks. 

Max smiled softly at them, before turning and walking into the solid chest of his Aussie teammate.

“Hi.” Daniel chuckled, wrapping him up in a tight hug and kissing his temple.

“Family…” Max only repeated. Daniel let out a shaky breath, hugging his teammate, no, little brother, to his chest.

“Yes darling, family.”

Lewis and Nico hugged him close too, apologizing profusely for what happened yesterday. Max just smiled and leaned in to their hugs. Lewis patted his head a little uncomfortable, while Nico kissed his cheek.

“Call us anytime if you need anything, okay?” Nico whispered. “If you need any journalists to be kicked, I’m always ready.” he said with a wink. Max gave him a tiny smile and nodded.

Marcus almost lifted him up when he hugged Max, grinning and kissing his forehead. Max blushed a little but had to refrain from smiling when a similarly awkward Kevin hugged him quickly.

Charles, Esteban and Pierre moved in for yet another group hug, all muttering to him in French even though they knew Max didn’t speak French.

“Family.” Max repeated softly again,smiling as everyone hugged him tightly. 

Stoffel slung an arm over his shoulders, pulling him into a sideways hug with a gentle smile. Fernando and Jenson fussed over him for a moment, pushing Max’s hair back and hugging him close. 

Max cried even more at how caring everyone was towards him, he wasn’t used to that. 

“Shh, it’s okay honey.” Kimi soothed, allowing him to cuddle close again. Seb was there too, rubbing his back and kissing his temple.

“We will never hurt you honey.” he whispered. Max let out a pitiful noise, struggling a little to drag as many people close as possible. 

“Room for one more?” a tentative voice called out from the door. Max looked up from Kimi’s shoulder and let out another sob when he saw Valtteri entering.

“I’m so sorry.” Valtteri whispered. Max jogged over and hugged him tightly.

“Missed you.” he only muttered. Valtteri wrapped his arms around him. 

“I shouldn’t have left.” he said softly. Max sighed, pressing his face into the Finn’s neck and relaxing as Valtteri held him, feeling secure with him and the others around.

“If this is what family is like, I can get used to it.” Max said a little louder, voice still weavering and hoarse. 

“Good.” Valtteri answered. “Because we’re not going anywhere.”

After everyone had hugged him some more, Max was practically asleep, leaned in between Kimi and Valtteri.

“Let’s go to bed.” Kimi decided when he saw Checo drooling on Esteban’s shoulder too.

“Can I sleep in the living room too?” Max slurred sleepily.

“Of course honey.” Daniel chuckled, already shifting all the beds and mattresses closer together to make room for more. 

It took a while for everyone to get comfortable, but Max definitely felt comfortable, cuddled into Valtteri’s chest, with Kimi behind him and rubbing his back. 

The sounds of Kevin grumbling ‘he did not want to be spooned!” to Marcus, and Daniel giggling over some video Pierre was showing him were comfortably familiar. 

“Family.” Valtteri whispered against the top of his head, lips forming a tiny smile. Max sighed, closing his eyes.

“Family.”


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An additional surpise chapter :3  
> Starts sad, but hang in there <3

Max saw him too late. He was in his race suit already, helmet clutched in his hand and balaclava in process of being shoved onto his head, when he sees the familiar figure at the pit wall. He stopped dead in his track, a race engineer bumping into his back from his abrupt stop..

His father is here. The one person the team had promised would never get near him again.

Christian was already there, standing in between Jos and the garage, clearly shielding Max from view. Jos still spotted his son easily, angry blue eyes boring into Max’s. 

Max felt like he can’t breathe anymore and practically screamed as a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He turned around, hand balled into a fist and aimed for whoever his holding him. His fist gets caught before it connects with a face, and only then does Max realise it was Pierre behind him.

“Max, it will be okay, let’s go back to your driver room.” the Frenchman tried to soothe him. Max shrugged his hand off, stumbling away. He wanted to speak, wanted to ask Pierre to hide him, hold him, tell him how to breathe. But the words got stuck and he panicked.

He ran out of the hospitality, his heart hammering in his chest as he desperately tried to get air into his lungs. He stepped towards another hospitality, but then faltered. His mind was muddled, and he wasn’t sure where to go anymore.

Renault… Renault was Carlos right? He would be safe with the Spaniard. Carlos would understand, He frowned, suddenly remember Carlos had moved teams. He whimpered, desperately trying to remember where Carlos was now. He let out a sob as he ran in a random directly, trying to shield his face from the cameras surrounding him. 

He spotted a bright red building, a flash of hope clearing his mind ever so slightly. He ran inside, knowing nothing could hurt him there. Kimi would keep him safe, would calm him down, he always did.

He found Seb’s driver room easily, but the number on the door next to it just didn’t make sense. Where should have been a 7, was now a 16. 

“Excuse me, what are you doing here?” a voice called out behind him. Max panicked, slamming his hand against the door in an attempt to knock. The door opened and Max came face to face with Charles, who stared at Max with wide eyes.

“Kimi… I n- Kimi…” Max managed to wheeze out. Charles caught him as he sagged to the floor, gently attempting to shush Max.

“What happened..?” Charles tried. Max gasped for breath, shuddering as he dug his fingers into Charles’s arms.

“My dad is here… Need Kimi…” Max sobbed, coughing harshly as he yet again seemed to fail to draw air into his lungs. He heard Charles call out for someone, the Monégasque shifting around a little. Max suddenly felt he was going to be sick, but before he could warn Charles, a bucket of some sorts was already pressed under his chin. He threw up, the vomiting only making it even more difficult to breathe.

“It’s okay, mon petit.” Charles whispered. Max glanced up, letting out a strangled sound when he saw the Monégasque was sobbing too, trembling fingers brushing over Max’s cheeks.

“Kimi… want Kimi…” Max sobbed, every footstep outside the door making him flinch. Kimi would keep him safe, Kimi would make sure his father wouldn’t get to him. Charles let out a shaky breath, telling Max something, but it was in French and Max didn’t understand.

There were rushed footsteps, someone outside speaking sharply, voice raised. Max let out a hoarse yell and pressed his hands over his ears, bile rising in his throat again.

“Max.” the voice was soft, steady, but Max’s crying only intensified, reaching towards the voice with trembling arms. He was pulled into a warm chest, and Max whined.

“K-kimi…” Max sobbed. 

“I’m here.” Kimi answered, arms wrapped tightly around the young man.

“He was here… he was here…” Max rambled over and over again. Kimi’s lips pressed against Max’s forehead briefly, before he got up, lifting Max up with him. The Dutchman’s legs still trembled too much to hold his weight, but Kimi supported him.

“Valtteri is going to drive you back to the hotel, okay? We’ll all come there after.” Kimi explained. Max whined, clutching on to Kimi.

“Don’t wanna go, what if he finds me, i-if…” he gagged. Charles quickly brought the bucket up again, but Max was mostly dry heaving by now. 

“Max.” Valtteri called from the doorway. Daniel was with him too, fidgeting with the. Max reached for them, but still refused to let go of Kimi. Kimi shushed him.

“Breathe, Max.” the Finn soothed as Max’s breathing quickened into choked wheezes again. Max made a noise in protest, before turning as he heard a soft sob behind him.

He saw Charles was huddled in Seb’s arms, the young man crying softly as he looked at Max. 

Max walked over a little wobbly but hugged Charles tightly.

“Am going with him.” Charles told Seb, who sighed.

“You still need to drive, Charles, as soon as we finish here, we can join them, okay?” he said softly.Charles buried his face in the crook of Max’s neck, fingers gently brushing through Max’s hair.

“O-okay.” he answered, reluctantly shuffling over to Dan and Valtteri and letting them take Max from him, but not before he pressed a gentle kiss against Max’s temple.

Valtteri caught Max’s face between his hands for a moment, forcing Max to look up at him. Max whimpered, his breathing still ragged, but calmed as Valtteri rested their foreheads together.

“It will be okay, you’re safe.” Valtteri whispered. Max took in a deep breath, and nodded, turning to look at Daniel. The Aussie was fidgeting around anxiously, but then smiled at Max.

“We’re family, won’t let anything happen to you.”

Max was happy he could stand on his own legs again, but was still grateful Dan and Valtteri supported him as they walked towards the exit of the circuit. 

Suddenly, a running figure headed for him and Max flinched, before realising it was Carlos. The Spaniard hugged him tightly, not caring who could see.

“I thought you’d come to me if something was wrong.” Carlos whispered. Max sniffled.

“C-couldn’t remember what team..” he admitted shyly. Carlos gave him a small smile, brushing Max’s hair back. He shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around the Dutchman’s shivering form.

“We all care about you Max, don’t forget that.” Carlos whispered. Max nodded, letting out a long breath as Carlos kissed his cheek.

“Let’s go.” Carlos said, glancing at the others. “Oh, is it okay if Lando comes? He almost stomped to the Red Bull garage when he heard what was going on....” Carlos said, Max nodded.

“I’d like that.” he muttered hoarsely. As soon as he had finished speaking, Lando popped up beside them, gently squeezing Max’s hand in comfort.

“We’re all here.”

It was a few steps before the car park, when suddenly they heard a yell behind them. Jos was storming towards them, screaming in Dutch at Max, who was securely in the middle of the driver circle. Max whimpered, desperately huddling closer to Valtteri as Jos quickened his pace, nearing them.

“K-kimi… want Kimi.” Max wheezed, closing his eyes as he willed this all to stop. Valtteri shielded him as best he could, pressing his hands over Max’s ears so the young man wouldn’t hear what was going on. Max flinched as he heard the dull sound of a punch, looking up to see his father stumbling away, hand pressed to his mouth. 

Kimi was there, stepping closer and hissing something at Jos in a dangerously low voice. Valtteri muttered something that sounded an awful lot like ‘worth the possible lawsuit’ and dragged Lando back by his collar as the small man stepped towards Jos too.

“In the car, all of you!” he snapped. Max was briefly surprised as all present drivers instantly piled into the van. Kimi was there too, cursing as he rubbed a hand over his knuckled. Max whimpered and climbed into the car after the Finn. Kimi instantly calmed and pulled Max close, letting him hide his face in the crook of his neck. 

Valtteri was behind the wheel, pulling out of the parking spot faster than was probably allowed.

From there on, it was all a blur, Max feeling as if he was drifting in and out of consciousness, his vision blurry as the sounds around him turned muffled.

Someone whispered something, cool hands pressing to his face, but Max shook his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know, didn’t want to feel.

He had had enough.

~~

“Maxy? Hey sweetie…” a soft voice called out. Max sluggishly opened his eyes, seeing Daniel sitting next to him. He heard a lot more voices and let out a disorientated whine, sitting up. He was sitting on a bed in a large hotel room, Carlos, Charles and Lando curled up with him. 

Small groups of drivers were spread around the rest of the room, sitting on pillows and sleeping bags,

“Why… Everyone is here.” Max muttered in disbelief. 

“Of course.” Pierre whispered softly, sitting down next to Charles and carding his fingers through the Monégasque’s fluffy hair. 

Kimi walked back from the bathroom, turning off his phone.

“It’s all arranged, Jos is back in the Netherlands and- Max you’re awake, that’s good.” Kimi said, walking over to the Dutchman. Max practically attached to the Finn’s chest, taking in a hiccuped breath.

“Thank you.” he whispered. “For everything.” Kimi seemed surprised, but hugged back.

“No problem.” he answered, running his fingers through Max’s hair. Max smiled hesitantly and looked around the room, sighing at the mismatched group of drivers.

“Family is the best.” he whispered. 

And everyone agreed.


End file.
